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The Seduction of Projection 📽️

3things jordan myska allen personal growth relatefulness stayinlove Mar 17, 2022

The original question isn't about Ukraine, it's about the question asker's reality. This is the biggest place I see relationships go awry: Events seductively demand that our attention focus on the outer world, making villains and victims, us versus them. But if I get seduced, I miss what's really going on inside of the other person; their pain, confusion, anger, uncertainty; their guilt for existing.

I also miss what's going on inside of me when I focus exclusively on the 'out there'. I stop being with the utterly unique individuals experiencing freezing escapes, and make them into objects that hold my pain for me so I don't have to. I can project my sense of injustice, brutality, and fear of death onto the outer world, avoiding facing these inner struggles in myself. "Let's make the world wrong, rather than confront our fundamental belief that our individually-existing-at-all is wrong". Confronting this belief (in original sin) feels terrifying, but as far as I can tell it's mistaken. Existence is (who can argue with that?) and we're all that.

Facing this offers the gift of liberation from its falsehoods. Beyond that, it opens the door to a deeper compassion. We have space to listen and reach out with creative responses that can only come from our unique hearts.

Thanks for the challenging and important question.


With love, Jordan


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