Beyond Transactional - Relating with a Name 😁

I was 15 years old, riding in a school bus with a bunch of other teenagers en route to an outdoor leadership training program. When we got off of the bus, our beloved instructor was fuming. We could tell we were in for a talking-to, but we had no idea what we had done. “Do any of you know the bus driver’s name?” He asked, barely concealing his anger. None of us did. I felt shame. (His name was Sam).

Since then, I've noticed and avoided the urge to treat the people transactionally, whether in business interactions or otherwise. This tendency towards seeing others as objects goes hand in hand with fixating on an extremely limited and self-important self-definition. On the other hand, treating each other as real human beings with unique subjectivities is wonderfully rewarding. Simple interactions—like a quick chat with a barista at a coffeeshop—move from transactional to transformational. Often all this takes is earnestly asking someone’s name!

I don’t judge those who don’t do this. It’s more vulnerable than it seems. By opening to someone else’s subjective experience, no matter how superficial, you allow yourself to be impacted and risk impacting them. In some small way, you will be changed. You might have to feel something you’ve been avoiding. You might have to realize you’re not able to hide as well as you think. You might have to confront how little control you have. You might also fall in love, or feel seen, or brighten someone’s day. Moving beyond transactional relating promises all the truth and aliveness of interdependence, but it risks losing independence. Relatefulness helps us open to welcome and include both.

With love, Jordan