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Boredom is a doorway to a secret room w treasure 🚪

3things jordan myska allen personal growth relatefulness stayinlove Feb 08, 2024


Boredom is never a destination, it’s always a doorway. 

Open the door and you’ll find a treasure—although it may not look like treasure at first. 

Andy, a participant at a recent immersion took this seriously and asked the group to help him explore his boredom with what was happening. He was scared to share it because another participant, Bob, seemed to be in a tender place. As Andy peeled back the layers, he realized he didn’t trust Bob to be OK in his tenderness. He felt he had to take care of Bob; and that meant he, Andy, was “better” and “more evolved” than Bob (and the rest of the group). Andy had previously been convinced that he wasn’t going to get anything from this session, or maybe this practice. But as he explored the room of boredom, and saw that it actually contained arrogance (and a corresponding sense of loneliness). He realized that he often felt he was “more evolved” but afraid to show it, assuming it would separate him. Suddenly he realized it already was separating him! And sharing it did the opposite—it brought him closer to the group, made him more real and trustable.

The insights kept coming for Andy: He saw how he had set it up so that feeling better than others meant he couldn’t learn from the immersion. Being better than others was at odds with getting something from the session, and since he was more committed to his self-identity as evolved, he was creating a situation where he was guaranteed not to get something! He started to see how often this kept him from learning, and meant he always had to put a ton of energy into “growth” rather than allowing insights to come from anywhere and everywhere. How else was he protecting himself from his own goals? How else was he set against himself?

All from opening the door of so-called boredom! This is one reason we don’t automatically try to “fix” seemingly unwanted emotions or uncomfortable states in relatefulness practice, even when we know we can. What treasures might they hold? 

(p.s. This is the kind of stuff we teach in the coaching training)


WIth love, Jordan


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