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Toddler parallels – Firm, Gentle, Consistent Boundaries 💺

3things jordan myska allen personal growth relatefulness stayinlove Mar 28, 2024


Our nine month old daughter has enough bodily control to grab her toddler brother Jack in the car seat next to her, but not enough to stop when he doesn’t like it. What’s young Jack to do, when he’s stuck in the car seat next to someone who literally can’t abide his request?

Like most of us, he gets frustrated. Like most of us in similar situations, he raises his volume and talks faster until he’s screaming. If I get a lot louder she’ll hear me, right? If I communicate my “no” in a higher pitched whine, or with more logic, she’ll finally understand it, right? Sadly, no.

“Firm, gentle, consistent”, is the boundary mantra I’m teaching Jack. “No thank you Bubba Girl”. (We call her Bubba Girl). Firm, because we don’t want to practice abandoning ourselves and our values. Gentle, because she’s incapable of actually giving him what he wants—like most people who violate our boundaries or expectations. Consistent, because I have faith that she can and will learn, and operant conditioning is real.

I practice by being firm, gentle, and consistent with him in this lesson. Perhaps one day I’ll learn it!


With love, Jordan


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