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On changing others: Insights from the tunnel 🔦

3things interdependence interpersonal growth jordan myska allen kegan 5 kegan 5th order micro-transformations relatefulness tunnel meditation Oct 26, 2023


From the view of the previous post on the tunnel metaphor it becomes more obvious why:

I can’t change other people. This realization can be both freeing—it releases me from the responsibility and burden of trying to change others, but it can also be frustrating—it means accepting my lack of control.

(2) When I change, everything about the relationship changes.
If the tunnel entrance widens, narrows, or shifts its alignment – the dynamics of the entire tunnel (the relationship) are affected. Same with your beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes. Changing yourself is a personal growth trope because it works: When you shift how you show up, other people join you in change, try to return to you, or go away. Although that's not to say it feels easy, or fair. But those assessments can be related with too...


With love, Jordan


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