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We Are a Connection Nexus (as much as we are individuals) ‎️‍🔥

3things jordan myska allen personal growth relatefulness stayinlove Mar 09, 2023

I keep seeing people as connection nexuses (the same theme as We’re Both Individual and Collective 🔗), and loving the insights that come from it. What I mean by "connection nexuses" is foregrounding our nature as interindividuals in our awareness, and letting our meaning-making habit of individuality be in the background. Seeing the forest instead of the trees, where we're the trees. Seeing our uniqueness as a unique collection of interactions, like fire, rather than a unique thing existing on its own.

Thinking from this frame generates different questions and actions. I can't find great language for it or even a good emoji (why isn't there a forest emoji?) So I'm trying to ground the frame with some examples:

  • Starting a meeting with an interpersonal check-in: “How is the relationship between you and Bob right now?” rather than “How are you right now?”.
  • The question “why are we fighting?” is more likely to invite inquiry than “why are you always attacking me?” or “Why am I so reactive?”. Although it may include both of those inquiries, it goes beyond them.
  • Setting a boundary in the form of “How can we both get what we need given that I’m not available after 5pm?”, makes the boundary a place of connection rather than a way to push someone away.
  • Reactivity and attacks seem less personal.


With love, Jordan


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