Nothing is personal (in a bad way), makes it so everything can be taken personally (in a good way) 🥔

Last night Shane told Bob he felt hurt by something Bob said to Carey. Bob was confused—how come Shane felt hurt by something that obviously had nothing to do with him? 

When Shane noticed the hurt, he didn't ask 'why is Bob hurting me?'. He asked himself 'what's this experience showing me about how I'm making (up) sense of things?' The “hurt” was just another potato in the soup; information about Shane's own way of constructing the world, not a fact about something that happened “out there” or “to him”.

In Shane’s view, Bob offered him the gift of introspection, helping him see a reactivity he hadn’t previously had access to. He shared the impact as a way to say “thank you Bob!” and also reciprocate: Maybe whatever karma got touched in Shane, would help Bob see something about himself.

I think this is a powerful frame on relating that transforms our reactivities into sacrifices to the altar of consciousness. It requires the ability for us to witness what’s happening inside of ourselves without being identified with it. But the real key is remembering that nothing is personal: “Projection makes perception”. Everything is symbolic. Our reactions are always symbolic openings that can lead us down to a more root cause (how we are making sense of experiences) if we’re willing to do the self-inquiry (which first requires acceptance). Whatever other people share with us is symbolic in the same way for them.

Ironically, remembering that “nothing is personal” (reactions point to meaning making, not facts) unlocks personal meaning from everything. If Bob projects something onto me that’s “obviously wrong”, it doesn’t threaten me, so I’m totally free to harvest something valuable from the interaction. If I’m not totally open and willing to learn something, I doth protest too much. There’s no concern about overtaking responsibility because this is purely a statement of my own attitude towards what’s happening, not how I respond. I might respond with silence or other forms of boundaries, and still be delighted by the opportunity to find something of value here.

It’s not personal—this is a choice I get to make about how I see what’s happening, not something I impose onto others. If I impose it onto the world "your hurt is just your projection, deal with it" I miss the reality of choice, locking myself into a prison of my own meaning-making, cutting myself off from the infinite freedom of "I can find value in this exchange regardless of anyone’s intent".

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With love, Jordan